Are you on the lookout for the funniest dry humor jokes out there? Well, you’ve come to the right place!
We present to you – our very own collection of the best dry jokes we could dig out. Granted, there are quite a few here that you could even call anti jokes, but they are still guaranteed to make you laugh.
Our faithful readers have definitely already read our ultimate guide to dry humor, and they are well aware that, when it comes to dry humor jokes – it’s all about the delivery! Sure, most of them are hilarious on their own, but if you tell them wrong, they might still fall flat.
So, we suggest you go through our list, pick your favorites, practice your deadpan expression, and get ready to make your friends laugh like never before.
Let’s get into it!
Dry Humor Jokes Examples
We are starting our list with some regular dry jokes to pick up the atmosphere. You might even say that things will begin to heat up quite soon:
1. Two muffins are in an oven.
One says to the other: Dang, it’s hot in here.
The other replies: Yeah, probably like 350 degrees.
2. What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
3. How is a bar of soap the same as your dreams?
They’re both fantastic at slipping away.
4. What did one stranger say to the other?
Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
5. Do you want to know what always makes me smile?
6. How do you confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
Related: 58 Seriously Messed Up Jokes You’ll Feel Guilty Laughing At
7. You know what they say?
8. What did one Frenchman say to the other Frenchman?
How on Earth would I know? I don’t speak French.
9. What did the raccoon say to the other raccoon?
Does my breath smell like garbage?
10. Why did the swan hiss?
Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
11. I broke my finger last week.
On the other hand, I’m OK.
12. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A horrible boating accident.
13. Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they tried lifting the other one, they’d fall over.
14. Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup?
She was wearing too much makeup.
15. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
16. I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
17. A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him: Why the long face?
The horse says: Evolution.
18. What do you call a pigeon that can’t find its way back home?
19. What’s blue and smells like red paint?
20. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Being robbed, I guess.
21. Do you want to know my secret to sanity?
22. Why did Paul get sick after overeating ice cream?
He was lactose intolerant.
23. What did a guy give to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day?
Something red and lots of lies.
Funny & Clean Dry Jokes
We hope you’re having a blast so far! Let’s continue the list with a few more dry jokes – we have many in our pocket:
24. How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish?
Neither one can whistle.
25. Why did the kid in the movie theater get yelled at?
He was talking.
26. I accused my husband of being too immature.
Then he told me to get out of his fort.
27. Knock, knock.
28. How do you get someone to stop swinging on the tire swing?
Snip the rope.
29. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.
30. What did the man say when he lost his truck?
Where’s my truck?
31. What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?
Nothing. Rice can’t talk.
32. Why did Michael stay home from the party?
He wasn’t invited.
33. How tall is the Empire State Building?
It is precisely one Empire State Building tall.
34. What did one woman say to the other woman next to the coffee machine?
Coffee looks good.
35. Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees?
They’re so good at it.
36. Do you know why everyone is afraid to come to my house?
37. Did you fall from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
38. Why did the girl drop her ice cream cone?
She tripped over a pothole.
39. You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate, and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
40. What makes you laugh harder than your own child?
A whoopie cushion.
41. Do you know what’s odd?
Every other number.
42. You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
However, you do need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
43. Scientific fact:
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
44. Why did Katie break open her piggy bank?
She ran out of money.
45. Why can’t Tommy the T-rex clap?
Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
46. What’s the one thing in life you can always count on?
Even More Dry Jokes That Make You Laugh
We are getting close to the end of our best dry humor jokes list, but that doesn’t mean there still aren’t many great ones you’ll enjoy!
47. Guess what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
48. What did one ant say to the other ant?
Nothing. Ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
49. Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.
50. Do you know why I look like I can’t hear you?
Because I can’t, my headphones are on.
51. Why did the mailman die?
Because everybody dies.
52. What did the monkey and pancake batter have in common?
They both love bananas.
53. What did the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs say?
T-Rexy, babe, I’m coming in for a hug.
54. I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof.
55. What did one Japanese man say to the other Japanese man?
No idea; Japanese is another language I don’t speak.
56. Who shaves at least 20 times a day?
57. A guy walks into a bar.
Then he gets a drink and leaves.
58. What’s one thing you can do over and over again and not remember a single thing?
59. What would Santa Claus be called if he had no hands?
Probably still Santa Claus. However, he doesn’t exist, so it doesn’t really matter.
60. Someone stole my mood ring.
I don’t know how I feel about that.
61. How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
62. Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee.
I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ’80s.
63. Never trust an atom.
They make up everything.
64. A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs.
The surgeon replied: I know. I amputated your arms.
65. What’s so great about living in Switzerland?
The flag is definitely a plus.
66. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, then my illegal logging company is a success.
67. Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? Do you know why that is?
Because there are more geese in that line.
68. What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
69. Why did the therapist wipe away the T-Rex’s tears?
He couldn’t reach his own face.
Now you’re all ready to be the life of the party! However, don’t allow the proud feelings to consume you and break your deadpan stare – that’s what this is all about.
We would love to hear from you:
What is the best dry humor joke you’ve ever heard?
Please share it in the comments below!