If you are a football fan like us, you are in the right place! In today’s article, we have prepared the funniest football jokes for you.
Next time you and your friends gather to watch football, and things get a bit heated if your team loses, you can always lighten up the atmosphere with these football jokes.
Let’s get started right away!
The Funniest Football Jokes
- What do football players drink?
PenalTEA!
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- Why was the football player upset on their birthday?
They got a red card!
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- Which top football team’s favourite food is ice-cream?
Aston Vanilla!
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- Where do football players dance?
At a football!
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- What do you call someone who stands in between goalposts and stops the ball?
Annette!
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- What did the bumble bee say after he scored a goal?
Hive scored!
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- What’s a goalkeeper’s favourite food?
Beans on post!
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- How do hens encourage their football teams?
They egg them on!
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- What is a ghost’s favourite football position?
Ghoulkeeper!
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- Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit.
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- Why did the football coach bring pencils and sketchbooks into the dressing room before the game?
He was hoping for a draw!
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- Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer.
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- In the Greek Mythology League, which player scored the most goals?
The centaur forward!
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- Which football player wears the biggest helmet?
The one with the biggest head.
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- What did the football coach do when the pitch became flooded?
He sent on his subs!
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- Where do football players dance?
At a foot ball!
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- Why do football players always succeed in school?
They know how to use their heads!
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- What do football players do when they get overheated?
They get closer to some of the fans.
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- Which part of the football pitch smells the best?
The ‘scenter’ spot!
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- Why don’t grasshoppers watch football?
They prefer cricket!
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- Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around!
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- Why didn’t the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn’t in it.
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- Why doesn’t anybody build football stadiums in outer space?
Because there’s no atmosphere!
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- Why are centipedes not allowed to play on bug football teams?
It takes too long to put their cleats on.
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- Why are football players like babies?
They both dribble!
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- Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
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- Why did the footballer hold their boot to their ear?
Because they like sole music!
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- Where do football players go when they need a new uniform?
New Jersey.
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- What runs along the edge of the pitch during a football game but never moves?
The sideline!
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- How is a football referee like an angry chicken?
They both have fowl mouths.
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- Why did the football pitch end up as a triangle?
Somebody took a corner!
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- When should football players wear armor?
When they play knight games.
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- Why did the footballer take a length of rope on the pitch?
They were the skipper!
More Funny Football Jokes
- Why should you avoid playing football against a team of big cats?
They might be cheetahs!
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- How do football players keep cool during a match?
They stand near the fans!
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- Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running away from the ball!
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- What are Brazilian fans called?
Brazil nuts!
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- Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around!
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- Why did Ebenezer Scrooge end up with the football?
Because the ghost of Christmas passed!
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- What did the receiver say to the football?
Catch you later.
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- What did NASA use when they built a football pitch on the moon?
AstroTurf!
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- Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
Her coach was a pumpkin.
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- Why don’t fish play football?
They’re scared of nets!
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- What happens to football players who go blind?
They become referees.
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- Why do footballers struggle to eat sandwiches?
They think they can’t use their hands!
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- What’s the chilliest football ground?
Cold Trafford!
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- Are lightning bolts good at football?
No, they’re shocking!
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- Why couldn’t the car play football?
It only had one boot!
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- Why was the world’s best footballer always asked to tidy up their room?
Because they were Messi!
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- What blows at 100mph and always scores?
A Harry Kane!
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- Which footballer makes the best coffee?
Diego Costa!
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- Who’s the most dangerous footballer?
Eden Hazard!
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- Who was the horse‘s favourite footballer?
NEIGH-mar!
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- Why is Messi like a magician?
He has loads of hat tricks!
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- What’s really healthy and scores a lot of goals?
Fruit Salah!
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- Why are ManchesterCity better than Everton?
They have twice as much Silva!
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- Who was the sheep’s favourite footballer?
Paul PogBAAA!
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- What is the best way to protect your house from terrible football?
A Guard-iola dog!
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- England are playing Iceland tomorrow in a football game. If they win, they’ll play Tesco’s next Saturday and then Asda on Wednesday.
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- My computer’s got the ‘Bad-Goalie Virus’. It can’t save anything.
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- Two hours of football and the goalkeeper is still England’s top scorer…
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- What do Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi and a magician all have in common?
All three do hat-tricks.
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- What did the referee say to the South American footballer who lied about deliberately handling the ball at the World Cup?
I don’t Bolivia!
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- What do you call a footballer who brings a length of rope onto the football pitch?
The skipper.
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- How many Manchester City fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None – they’re quite happy living in the shadows.
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- What football club do sheep support?
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-rcelona.
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- My partner just ended our relationship because of my obsession with football. I’m quite sad about it – we’d been dating for three seasons.
Your Turn!
As always, this is your time to shine:
Have we missed any of your favorite football jokes? Please share them with us in the comments down below!
