Being a 90s kid (whether you are a millennial or gen Z) means there has been a period where you were obsessed with Harry Potter books and movies. Everyone was lining up outside the bookstores, waiting for the release of the next book. What a time it was!
Even though now people are obsessed with TikTok and all the new trends that have risen in the meantime, a true die-hard Harry Potter fan still lives inside us.
For that reason, today, we are bringing you a list of the funniest, cheeky Harry Potter Jokes for your reading pleasure! So let’s get into it.
Funniest Harry Potter Jokes
1. How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds it, and the world revolves around him.
2. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
3. How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.
4. Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
5. How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.
6. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?
Because he has only followers, not friends.
7. How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What’s a lightbulb?
8. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?
9. A blind wizard walks into a bar, finds his way to a stool, and sits down.
He says rather loudly to the barkeep:
Hey, would you like to hear a Hufflepuff joke?
The bar goes silent, and the barkeep replies:
Sir, I will not lie to you. You are speaking to a Hufflepuff. The man behind you is an Auror from Hufflepuff, the woman to your right is a Hufflepuff dueling champion, and we all have our wands drawn. Do you really want to continue?
The blind wizard goes silent for a moment before curtly replying:
No, I don’t. Not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.
10. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
11. How does Harry Potter enter a room?
Through the Gryffin-door.
12. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?
Because he can’t control his pupils.
13. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?
Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.
14. I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.
15. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking. JK, rolling.
16. Do you like Harry Potter?
Because I a-Dumbledore you!
17. Harry, your godfather is dead.
Are you serious?!
Yep. Dead Sirius.
18. Are you a Dementor?
Because you just took my breath away.
19. Harry, your godfather is dead.
Are you serious?!
No, I’m Snape.
20. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you’d never know which side he was on.
More Hilarious Harry Potter Jokes
21. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
Just one. They put their wand in, and the cauldron revolves around them.
22. What do you call a postal carrier who can speak to packages?
A parcel tongue.
23. Yo mama has such a sweet tooth, her Patronus is a cake.
24. Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.
25. Why doesn’t Snape teach herbology?
Because his Lily died.
26. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
27. How does Harry’s monthly grocery basket take next to no time when ordering online?
28. Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class.
29. Hows does Voldemort enter a room?
He slithers in.
30. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
“Why so Sirius?”
31. Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class?
Because it’s in the greenhouse.
32. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
33. Taking a break from all the jokes, here is a quick Harry Potter riddle for you. Try to guess who or what this is.
Those I defend I do not love,
And those I fight I cannot hate.
The one who hates me most
Is the one I will die to protect.
34. What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?
A dumbbell door.
35. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
36. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potions pot and his best friend?
They’re both cauldrons.
378. How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport?
A quid each.
38. Did you survive Avada Kedavra?
Because you’re drop-dead gorgeous.
39. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
40. What does Harry Potter have that The Dark Lord doesn’t?
41. On a scale of one to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?
Nine and three quarters.
42. What did Hermione do when Harry and Ron took the flying car to school?
She finally relaxed.
43. Knock, knock.
Exactly, AVADA KEDAVRA!
44. Where might you find Dumbledore’s Army?
Up his sleeve-y!
45. Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
46. The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”
Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner.
47. I love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the chapter “The Deathday Party,” I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick.
He was a very poorly executed character.
48. How do you know if someone is a pureblood?
Oh, don’t worry. They’ll tell you.
Now, it’s your turn:
Which Harry Potter Joke made you laugh the hardest?
Is there any particular joke you liked but didn’t find in our list? Make sure to tell us in the comments below!
See you in the next post.