68 Funniest Halloween Jokes for the Holiday Season (2022)

Halloween is just around the corner and we bet you are as excited as we are!

However, if you don’t have any particular plans yet, don’t worry – your Halloween doesn’t need to suck. You can still dress up, wear your costume, give candy to kids and make them laugh with these howl-arious Halloween jokes.

Let’s get into it!

Best Halloween Jokes

1.  How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?

All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

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2.  How do vampires get around on Halloween?

On blood vessels.

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3.  What would be the national holiday for a nation of vampires?

Fangs-giving!

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4.  Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

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5.  What can you catch from a vampire in winter?

Frostbite.

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6.  The skeleton couldn’t help being afraid of the storm—he just didn’t have any guts

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7.  What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?

Spooktacles.

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8.  Knock, Knock…

Who’s there?

Phillip!

Phillip who?

Phillip my bag with Halloween candy, please!

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9.  Knock, Knock…

Who’s there?

Witch!

Witch who?

Witch one of you will give me lots of Halloween candy?

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10.  Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom?

He had no body to go with.

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11.  How do you know vampires love baseball?

They turn into bats every night.

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12.  Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?

Any old friend he could dig up!

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13.  Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?

The Dead Sea!

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14. What’s a zombie’s favorite cereal?

Rice Creepies.

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15.  The skeleton didn’t mind that everyone called him a bonehead.

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16.  What’s it like being kissed by a vampire?

It’s a pain in the neck.

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17.  Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?

Because a dog was after his bones!

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18.  Where do ghosts go on holidays?

The Boohamas.

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19.  What do skeletons fly around in?

A scareplane or a skelecopter.

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20.  What sound do witches make when they eat cereal?

Snap, Cackle & Pop!

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21.  What did the fisherman say on Halloween?

Trick or trout.

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22.  What did one ghost say to the other?

Get a life!

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23.  Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Don’t cry! I didn’t mean to scare you.

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24.  Where do fashionable ghosts shop?

Bootiques.

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25.  Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies?

Because you can see right through them.

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26.  What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?

Buckle your sheet belt!

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27.  Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Day-scare.

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28.  Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Howl!

Howl who?

Howl you know unless you open the door!

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29.  What did the bird say on Halloween?

Twick or tweet.

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30.  What do you call two witches sharing a broom?

Broommates.

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31.  How do ghosts search the Web?

They use ghoul-gle.

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32.  What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?

I scream.

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33.  Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!

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34.  What goes “Ha-ha-ha-ha!” right before a gigantic sounding crash and then keeps laughing?

A monster laughing it’s head off!

More Halloween Jokes & Puns

35.  Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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36.  What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument?

A sax-a-bone.

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37. How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch!

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38.  Why are graveyards so noisy?

Because of all the coffin.

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39.  Knock Knock!

Who’s there?

Cement.

Cement who?

Cement to scream when she saw Dracula but she fainted instead!

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40.  What did one thirsty vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?

Let’s stop in for a cool one!

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41. Why didn’t the zombie go to school?

He felt rotten!

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42. What is a vampire’s pet peeve?

A Tourniquet!

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43. What has hundreds of ears but can’t hear a thing?

A cornfield!

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44. Why are skeletons so good at chopping down trees?

They’re LUMBARjacks!

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45. The skeleton canceled the gallery showing of his skull-ptures because his heart wasn’t in it.

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46. Where do ghosts like to trick-or-treat?

Dead ends.

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47. What type of plates do skeletons like to use?

Bone china.

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48. The skeleton decided to bone up on the facts for the big exam.

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49. What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.

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50. Who do monsters buy cookies from?

Ghoul scouts.

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51. Knock, Knock…

Who’s there?

Ben!

Ben who?

Ben waiting to get candy all day!

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52. What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist?

The house was repossessed.

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53. How does a vampire enter his house?

Through the bat flap!

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54. What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween?

A night mare.

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55. Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?

Because there are so many plots there!

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56. What Halloween candy should you give trick-or-treaters if you want them to think you’re rich?

A 100 grand candy bar

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57. Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?

Because they just had their brains scooped out!

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58. What do demons eat for breakfast?

Deviled eggs.

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59. Why are there fences around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

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60. What’s the best way to get rid of a demon?

Exorcise a lot.

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61. Why did the baby wrap itself in white cloth strips?

It was just trying to be just like its mummy.

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62. Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when he saw the full moon?

He needed to change.

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63. Why do ghosts like to hang out at bars?

Because all of the Boos.

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64. Where is the best place to party on Halloween?

The g-RAVE-yard.

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65. What do you call a dancing ghost?

Polka-haunt-us.

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66. Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?

Because of his coffin.

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67. Why do ghosts hate when it rains on Halloween?

It dampens their spirits.

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68. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A neck-tarine.

Your Turn!

As always, it’s your turn to make us laugh!

Please share your favorite Halloween jokes in the comments down below. We can’t wait to hear them!