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58 Hilarious Wine Jokes That Will Cheer You Up 🍷

Did you know that over 1300 wine grape varieties are used in production, but only 100 make up 75% of the world’s vineyards? There are also numerous wineΒ jokes, but we made sure to select the very best of them.Β 

Without further do, we will jump right into it.Β 

It’s wine o’clock at Witty Companion!

Best Wine Jokes

1. I love cooking with wine.

Sometimes I even put it in theΒ food.

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2. What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?Β 

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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3. Sometimes, we all need aΒ RieslingΒ to be cheerful.

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4. I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. It’s a Bordeaux collie.

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5. Do librarians like white wine?

No, they like theirs well red!

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6. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.

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7. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious; I said he had no proof.

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8. I was having wine with my wife when she said, ‘I love you so much, you know. I don’t know how I could ever live without you.’ I said, ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ She said, ‘It’s me talking to the wine.’

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9. Don’t ask me why I love wine.

I have my rieslings.

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10. Love the wine you’re with.

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11. What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?

Port whine!

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12. What do you call a wine hangover? The grape depression.

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13. I just heard on the grapevine that doctors have invented a new grape variety that acts as an anti-diuretic to help with incontinence.

It’s called pinot more.

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14. What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

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15. It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full.

There’s clearly room for more wine.

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16. What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

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17. What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?

Chardon-neigh!

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18. What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?Β 

Liquidate it to the highest bidder.

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19. I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass; I won the dance competition.

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20. What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?

Mos-cat-o!

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21. What do you call a grape that is an anti-diuretic? Pinot More.

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22. I can’t wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

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23. Did you know wine doesn’t make you fat? It makes you lean…against tables, chairs, floors, walls, and ugly people.

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24. Some people likeΒ beerΒ goggles.

I prefer wine glasses.

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25. It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal.

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26. Somehow, they knew I wanted champagne.

It was chilling.

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27. The first thing on my bucket list? To fill the bucket with wine.

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28. The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.

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29. We have an open-door policy. Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door.

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30. What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?

Sauvign-yawn blanc!

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31. You had me at merlot.

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32. Whenever I feel like wining,

I remind myself to put a cork in it.

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33. Adulting makes me wine.

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34. Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?

They call themselves the Sip-ranos!

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35. Chardonnay, or should I go?

Funny Wine Jokes

Best wine jokes

36. Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?

Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!

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37. When I drink wine, I make pour decisions.

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38. What does a cat lady say on Friday night?

I am drinking wine and feline fine!

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39. How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?Β 

They crashed a small boat into it.

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40. Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?

He heard it was a Goodyear!

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41. Why does your grandma like wine so much?

Because at her age, she needs glasses!

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42. Why do winos love cheap wine puns?Β 

Because wine snobs hate them!

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43. What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?Β 

Fine wine!

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44. What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?Β 

Things went pour-ably wrong.

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45. Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?

In a wine cabernet.

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46. Why do we enjoy wine jokes?Β 

Because they’re de-vine!

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47. Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?Β 

Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.

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48. Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?Β 

Because that’s what grape lady superheroes do!

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49. Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?Β 

Party Guest: I’ll have to think it over…

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50. Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?Β 

The Wineoceros.

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51. Why was the white wine’s off-beat pun so boo-ed?Β 

Because it was too corky.

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52. What time do ladies drink wine?Β 

At Wine O’Clock.

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53. Which type of wine only comes in a box?Β 

Carbordeaux.

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54. How does cabernet like to travel abroad?Β 

On a cruise sip.

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55. My mate loves red wine. She hates it when people mess with it…

I thought I knew I’ll add some fruit and Lemonade…

But now she’s sangria than ever…

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56. Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?Β 

She was tired of raisin a family.

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57. Why do women take baths to relax?Β 

Because it’s too hard to drink wine in the shower.

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58. Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?Β 

Through the grapevine.

Your Turn

We hope that you have enjoyed our selection of wine jokes.Β 

What are your favorites?Β 

Feel free to let us know in the comments down below.

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