Jealousy is a common feeling, especially when it comes to romantic involvements.
But why do we generally consider it bad? And how to stop being jealous?
The main reason is that it can quickly become toxic when it exceeds its limits. Hence, to maintain a perfect balance for keeping your relationships healthy, you need to know how to deal with the destructive feelings before they start ruining your relations.
Here are a few tips and tricks that you can try to cope with jealousy and create healthier, long-lasting relationships.
#1 – Track the Root of Your Jealousy
You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars.
The first step to coping with jealousy is to understand where it is coming from originally. The reason is usually the most important part of the issue. If you manage to deal with it – the entire aftermath deals with itself automatically.
It is quite obvious – to get rid of something completely, you need to dig into the roots and remove it from there.
Reflecting, analyzing, and examining your thoughts and emotions will help you know a lot about the source of the negative feelings.
There can be multiple internal and external reasons behind being jealous:
- lack of self-confidence,
- previous heartbreaking experiences,
- and much more.
Let’s Look at an Example
Let’s say that your best friend gets a major promotion they have been working towards for years. You most likely feel happy for them but also can’t help the nagging voice in your head.
The truth is – you are jealous of your friend’s achievements.
What could be the reason?
Perhaps you have been trying to succeed in your field for years, and it hasn’t worked out. Maybe you are stuck at the job you hate, and it somewhat hurts to see other people making it while leaving you behind.
The reasons can be many, but the solution is only one that is to accept the feeling, get into the roots of it and find the cause.
Once you understand that you feel that way because you are projecting your own frustrations and insecurities, you realize it has nothing to do with your friend. It comes from your sense of hypothetical failure, which is the main issue.
How to deal with it?
Stop comparing yourself with other people.
We know it is easier said than done. Nevertheless, you must understand that everyone goes through life at their own pace.
Just because someone in your social circle has achieved their goal earlier doesn’t mean you won’t reach your goals too eventually. We all live at very different tempos, and you should be aware of that.
When you know the cause of a problem, it becomes easier to confront it. The case is the same when you are trying to learn how to stop being jealous.
#2 – Talk About Your Feelings
Mostly, unhealthy relationships are a product of feelings that you rarely discuss but deeply feel.
Therefore, irrespective of how big or small the problem feels, talk about it whatever is bothering you. Dealing with the problem sooner rather than later is always a good choice.
Whether it is your sister, friend, or significant other, start a conversation with them and explain exactly how you feel. Tell them all the reasons that trigger the feeling of jealousy. Together, you can understand the particular actions that act as the fuel to the fire.
Let’s get one thing out in the open. Initiating a productive conversation might feel awkward initially.
Still, as you begin giving voice to your concerns, you will gradually start realizing that you did a great thing by speaking up.
Here are a few quick tips on how to express your feelings properly:
- Start your sentences with “I feel…”. Be open and honest.
- Connect the dots. Explain how you feel and when exactly you feel that way. What are the actions that trigger your emotions?
- Don’t point fingers. You should never blame someone else for your feelings. Take responsibility and talk about how you feel honestly.
- Practice expressing your feelings regularly. Talk about every important issue that arises and every powerful emotion that you are dealing with. This is also a skill, and it will take time to learn it. We recommend checking out this great collection of TED talks on this topic.
- Listen to the response. Don’t vent to the other person as if you were talking into a microphone and then walk away. Listen to what they have to say about your concerns.
You both may come up with a solution together. Certainly, the person you are attaching your jealousy to is the best person to help you overcome the destructive feelings.
#3 – Look at the Situation Differently
Often, it is just our mind that is playing games with us. There are many cases in our life where the best thing we can do is look at the situation from a different perspective.
The more you think about the feeling, the more you delve into it.
We sometimes do this to such an extent that jealousy overtakes all the other emotions like love and compassion.
Therefore, there is a need to step out and look at the situation differently.
Ask yourself the following questions to do a quick assessment:
- Do I have a rational explanation for why I am feeling uneasy?
- Have I talked about the issue with the other person?
- How can I help myself look at the situation objectively?
You might be wondering – what is the best way to change your perspective?
Get a different set of eyes to look at your situation.
You can reach out to some trustworthy friend to help you evaluate the circumstances. A second opinion can help you understand if you being jealous is just the consequence of your brain overworking itself or not.
Ask them to do their best to remain objective. After listening to your story, they may help you develop a conclusion after passing a fair judgment.
#4 – Never Compare Yourself
We have already mentioned this point in our example above. Nevertheless, it is so important that we cannot stress it enough.
Never compare yourself with anyone other than your past and future self!
Jealousy begins the moment you start comparing yourself with your friends, family, or significant other in an unhealthy way.
It is natural to expect that you will notice how other people in your life are doing. If you care about them, you will (and should) express interest in their goals and ambitions.
The issue is going overboard and turning interest into envy.
Countless opportunities will arise where someone from your inner social circle has achieved a goal you have also set out for yourself.
In these cases, the habit of comparison is always going to make you feel bad about yourself and end up ruining your relationships.
- So what if your cousin has got a newer car than yours?
- So what if your boyfriend has got more friends than you do?
- So what if your colleague got a promotion before you?
Keep asking yourself the magical question – so what?
You are beautiful in your way. Your progress will be different from everyone else’s, and you have to make peace with it.
However bizarre this may sound to you, numerous people at this moment would do everything to be where you are in life.
So, enjoy where you are and appreciate where your others are. Our next and final tip might be the best way to do that.
#5 – Practice Self-Love
Jealousy is something that is a result of some negative feeling inside you about yourself.
To get rid of the feeling from the core, you need to love yourself completely. Most jealousy issues come from a lack of self-esteem. The best way to deal with it is to start appreciating yourself more.
Here are some important tips on how to start practicing self-love today:
- Accept yourself the way you are and believe in your capabilities.
- Compliment yourself loudly every day and remind yourself that you are worth so much. Don’t be afraid to appreciate the good things you do and to celebrate your achievements.
- Focus on your good sides. Think of all the things you love about yourself, write them on a piece of paper, hang them on your cupboard and read it every day.
- Practice gratitude. Each morning, write down three things you are thankful for the most in your life. It could be as big as your health or your partner and as small as a clean pair of socks or your favorite pen.
We have also written a separate guide about increasing your self-esteem, and you should definitely check it out!
The Final Word
No matter how strong your relationship is, jealousy is guaranteed to weaken it. For that reason, you need to learn how to cope with it, and we hope that we have helped you shed light on the issue.
What is your experience with jealousy? When has it negatively impacted your life?
We would love to hear your stories in the comment section below!