This situation probably sounds familiar:
Someone says or does something inappropriate, rude, or simply out of place. However, you are not sure how to react, so you don’t say a thing.
Hours pass, and you can’t stop thinking about the situation.
Why didn’t I said something?
What should I even say?
Whether it’s your friend, family member, or coworker, sometimes you need to speak up and say something even if it is uncomfortable. You need to learn how to confront someone.
Confronting people can be difficult, but we have a step-by-step system that will make the process easier.
Knowing what to say and how to present yourself will help ensure a good outcome for everyone involved.
Let’s jump right into it!
#1 – Recognize the Real Reason of Confrontation (Write it Down!)
If our thoughts are not clear, how can we communicate them with others? We just know something was wrong, but we aren’t sure how to explain it or react in a better way without being rude ourselves.
The first step in learning how to confront someone is identifying the negative feelings. You need to know what makes you feel uncomfortable or upset for this process to go smoothly.
Sit down and write how you feel, what happened when they said something inappropriate, how it made you feel, etc.
Try to be as specific as possible!
You can also ask yourself these questions:
- When did the accident happen?
- Who was involved?
- How it made me feel?
- Why do I think it’s wrong/inappropriate?
- What should be done instead?
This will help you get a clear idea of the real reason why you want to talk about this situation with that person and how to approach them best!
#2 – Plan is The Key!
Once you have the real reason for how you feel, it’s time to plan how to confront them.
You don’t need to plan how you will say everything or write your speech, but it is important that you know exactly how you would like the person to react.
It’s all about having a goal in mind! So take a moment and ask yourself:
- What do I want to accomplish?
- How can I best present myself, so they understand me?
- What is my goal for this conversation?
Remember that your emotions might be overwhelming sometimes. Still, you have to try to keep calm and be polite when talking about how you feel.
Do some research on the topic, if necessary, and think about things from their perspective. This will help you find a way to say what needs to be said so that they can relate.
#3 – Find the Right Time and Location
It’s important to choose an appropriate time and location for your confrontation. If it’s an extremely private topic, then choose a place where you won’t be disturbed. We suggest selecting a location where you can have some privacy and somewhere where the person will feel comfortable.
If it’s not a very serious topic, or if you’re new to confronting people, then find a public location that feels comfortable enough for the both of you.
In general, try to have a conversation when both of you are calm and relaxed. You should also choose a time that will work for both of you. This is how they will be able to listen carefully without being distracted by other things going on in their life at the moment!
#4 – Be Clear In Your Communication
When speaking with someone about their behavior or actions, make sure you remain clear and focused. The last thing you want is to have a conversation that gets confusing and ends up going nowhere.
Don’t beat around the bush. Try not to give too much information at once because it will only make things more complicated!
When you’re communicating, keep the objective in mind. If the other person tries to diverge from the subject, be sure to return to it repeatedly.
Be respectful and polite, but also firm in your words! Set boundaries that they need to understand how serious the subject is for you. If this person means something important for you, then be transparent with how their actions affect you so they can correct themselves accordingly.
Related & Helpful: How to Speak Louder and Clearer – Project Your Voice
#5 – Listen Carefully
Once you’ve told the other person how you feel about their behavior or actions, then it’s time to listen. Hear them out and try to understand where they are coming from. It would help if you allowed them to explain themselves to clear up any confusion or misunderstandings on both sides of the table.
It’s essential to show how you are listening and make sure they feel heard! Don’t interrupt them while speaking, don’t judge their choices because this will only cause a conflict.
Here is a great resource on the topic by The New York Times.
#6 – Make an Agreement
At this point, you most likely have enough information to make an informed decision about the situation at hand. Once they’ve had their turn to speak, it’s time for you to choose what is best moving forward.
Make an agreement with how you both will handle it if the situation arises again.
When making decisions like these, keep in mind that everything is not black and white, so focus on the best course of action for everyone.
#7 – Follow Up With Them
After you’ve had your conversation, you must follow up with them at a later date to see how they’re doing. This will help ensure that any misunderstandings are cleared up and that they know you care about them.
Doing these things will help make your confrontation run a lot smoother and give you a better chance to resolve the issues that kept you from moving forward.
#8 – Know When to Let It Go
Unfortunately, not all confrontations can be resolved.
In some cases, it is necessary to let the past stay in the past and walk away from the relationship entirely. However, if they continue to do what you asked them not to, or if it doesn’t seem like a respectful relationship is possible, then it may be best for you to let it go and move on with your life.
#9 – Keep Perspective
Remember that there are two sides to every story, and it’s important to keep perspective on the situation.
Although you might be upset about what happened, try not to let your feelings cloud your judgment.
Focus on finding a solution that will benefit everyone involved, rather than making things personal or taking advantage of an opportunity to make someone else feel bad.
#10 – Keep a Record
If you are dealing with something substantial, it’s a good idea to keep a record of events. This could be in the form of emails, text messages, etc.
This way, you can refer to them if necessary and have proof that these things actually occurred so that the confrontation is not based on false accusations.
#11 – Ask For Professional Help
If you find it challenging to confront someone about your concerns, there is no shame in asking for help. There are plenty of professionals who can provide you with the advice and support you need to get through this rough patch.
Take a step back from the situation, and you will see how certain aspects of your life can be improved.
It’s important to remember that some people are unable or unwilling to change, so it may be time for you to cut your losses and move on with life!
#12 – Be Aware of Your Body Language
Last but not least, how you conduct yourself during a confrontation is extremely important.
Your body language has the ability to either escalate or calm down an argument depending on how others perceive it. Keep this in mind next time you have something serious to say so that you can present your perspective with confidence and clarity!
Hopefully, this article has given you some ideas about approaching someone when you need to let them know how their behavior or actions make you feel.
Remember, confrontation is not always easy, but it can be an essential step toward resolving things. So always stay firm and focused on the issues at hand. Remember that by following these tips, there’s a better chance that the conversation will end positively.
We hope that we have answered the question of how to confront someone.
Now, it’s your turn to put these steps into action!
Thank you for reading the blog post. Please share your thoughts with us in the comments below!